#letterstonoone: Dear IKEA
I made a terrible mistake. I visited you on a Sunday. I was seduced by a sudden urge to decorate and the endless possibilities of the Allen key.
As I took the escalators up to Swedish heaven, I had a plan. I needed a full length mirror. I promised myself I would not deviate, I'd obey the arrows.
There I was at the start of this domestic maze. 'Just follow the arrows,' I told myself. 'Yes, you can have a small pencil, but only one.' Things were going smoothly, until I hit the first model apartment with its open plan kitchen with hanging utensils and evenly placed bench stools. I had a premonition I was a popular TV-sitcom mom and my kids were about to bust me drinking my secret stash of vodka out of the coconut water Tetra Pak. It was exhilarating.
Onto the Pied-à-terre inspired balcony with its plastic foliage, vertical garden, and photographic wallpaper of a leafy Eastern suburb. The timber banana lounge begged me to have a lounge and who was I to refuse? I was just about to put my sunglasses on inside and sip from the empty wine glass, when my idyllic state of mind was interrupted by a family of six looking for outdoor furniture that was dog friendly.
I checked my phone. I had been in IKEA for an hour and twenty minutes. I started to feel nauseous. I had nothing on my list, I panicked. I strayed from the arrows and ended up in the kids toy section, 20 styles of stuffed animals and not one full length mirror with curved edges and a Scandi nuance.
I asked an employee for help. Another pit stop in the Tupperware section. Then finally mirrors, a wall of them and a wall of a woman about to lose her grip staring back. It was me.
I think ABBA said it best when they sang: 'IKEA the love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S.'
I don't know what happened next, but I ended up at self check out. No mirror in tow, instead with 6 brand new blue stained drinking glasses I definitely didn't need.
Today on Monday night, 24 hours later, and I think I've finally recovered.
Used, abused and amused,
Lisa Marie Corso xo